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Name: Tracy
Country: United States
State: Washington
Birthday: 12/17/1986
Gender: Female


Occupation: Student
Industry: Other


Message: message me


Member Since: 1/18/2004

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Thursday, April 01, 2004

taking a break from xanga....if u wanna know wsup wit maii life. call maii cell or hit me up on aim. "lx shyvi3tgrl xl"


Friday, March 19, 2004

my week has been great. so far i got to see maii bebz twice this week! it seems the hour and a half drive doesnt keep us apart. lol. which is good. im very happy and im grateful just to be with him. no matter what goes on in life i know he will always be there right by my side to share the fun times and to help me thru my tough times. =] 



Its been a boring week up until THurday wen maii babiii came up for sum..business..and i got to chill wit him cuz i had a half day.  I was chillin wit Talitha nd we picked up April and VU and met up wit Raymond Money Mike and Theresa at the mall.  After that i went with maii bebz and then we went to go get boba tea and grubb there. i love the food there its good. lol POCHIs. indo food. mhmm. aniwho. after that we went to look at the apts and maii bebz will be movin up to everett on april 2nd.! im so excited. distance wont be a problem [not like its much of a prob now] but i'll get to spend a lot of time with him and he'll only be a few minutes away.! =] im happy. and every excited. After that we went to go meet up with Pat and them so we went back to the mall and visited maii grlz that were workin in Forever21 and met up with some people.  Ran into a lot of people too. =]  After that i just got dropped home and that was the end of the highlight of my day..



Friday comes along and its Senior Skip day yes i know. im not a senior. but it doesnt mean i cant skip right?? hahaha..aniways..woke up a bit late and got ready for "school" and talitha picked me up. we picked up misz april and were on our way to Oak Harbor.  We took the ferry and had the funnest time.! it was funie. lots of laughs with the vending machine . we're so easily amused! there was a bag of chip stuck and so we figured that if we bought that bag we would get TWO. cuz thats how it always is rite? WRONG. the next one was stuck too!!! argg so we're trying to tell the bag to fall down and we're trying to shake and make it move so it would fall and we would get an extra bag of chips. lOL.  went back to the car with the pearl white TSX in front of us..damn..sexii car.but as sexii as The Prelude..hahaha..! aniways..we drove and met up with maii bebz and Pat and Joe and Joane at Albertsons and we got hungry so a few of us went to Mcdonalds and grubbed on Mcdonalds breakfast.! i havent had that in forever and it was good.!  Today's friday guys...no meat..for those of you who are catholic. im so bad though. i forgot and ordered hot cakes and sausage. hahaha..i cant waste food! so i ate it. >.< aniwho..after that we went tot he bridge and just walked around and went site seeing. Later we drove by OAk HAbor hs. haha..ghetto. and then we went near RUss's house and played on the swings and the little playground. haha..after that we were off and Talitha and April went home.




Yeah i was suppose to go with them but maii bebz went to his mom's work and got her car and said he could take me home. so i stayed cuz i would never miss an opportunity to spend time with maii bebz. we went to a beach and walked around..and i was tired...and was fallin asleep earlier in teh car..so we were tryna take a nap. and then money mike calls and tells ray that his mom is gettin off work early, so we had to hurry back and return the car before she notices it was gone. lol. how sad.!  aniways..there goes my ride home..! arg..so then miss livi had to drive me to the ferry with allan and ray..and i took the ferry by myself home..!!  I asked ROb to pick me up ..and him and Christine picked me up and drove me home. [thanks..!!] haha..Christine is his car..=]

Ive been having a lot of fun with my cam fone and otok alot of scenery pixers, pixers of the homies/homegrls...and of me and mai bebz..haha..if u want to see them just let me know..! im just to lazy to upload them all and put them on my xanga. =]

As for family drama, im going to be kicke dout any day now. i know it. everyone knows that in my family except my mom. and she's the one thats gonna kick me out. remember i had to make a decision about movin in with my dad or not? yea well i decided i would move in with him in teh summer time. but once my mom's attoryney tells my mom. im screwd and she'll get hella heated and kick me out for sure early.  BUt everyone is telling me to be strong, not to listen to her bitchin, dont get near her and dont let her hit me ne more..im grown and im leavin this house ne ways..its not even LEGAL to hit me..so im not gonna let her if she tries..if it gets really bad the asme time she's bitchin i'llcal up my dad and he'll come pick me up. *sigH* im skerd for this to happy but i can do it. i can stand tall and face my mom.


Tuesday, March 16, 2004

What's happened...?

this weekend was pretty great. i got to spend time with maii hun. Friday i just stayed hoem doing homework because now i really wanna try and do well. I finally came to realize how important it is for me to watch my actions and be careful of what i do and how its going to affect my future. ANIWAYS..uhm. Satuday i woke up and was chillin..got ready because maii bebz said he was coming up ! teehee..so then i got ready and he picked me up while my mom's bf lied ot my mom sayin HE was taking me to the mall..haha..cuz i said i wanted to look for a job. 

 After we went to the mall walked around and got a few applications for me, we met up with hella people, [four cars worth] and then we headed to Vu's house to celebrate Loc's bday.! omg his mom is so big now! her tummy silly! she' s pregnant.! =] =] =] =] im so excited. haha and its not even my mom or relative. yes im weird but yeah . we chilled..grubbed on bomb viet food there and then we all dropped off some Oak Harbor people at the ferry and headed to Pochi's for some boba. CHOCOLATE AVOCADO is the SHIIT. we chilled and ran into some unexpected people there which was pretty funny..but yea..lol..nuff of that..after that everyone went their separate ways and me and maii hun went to near Kamiak and we just called around for a bit but not much because i was freakin cold..! hhha.i was tryna not to say nuttin or yeah..but. mm..yeah..too cold ferr me.brrr..

after that i just got dropped off home and talked to maii bebz an dwent to sleep. Its funnie because we're back together now. Its been exactly a month since our breakup date that we got bak together so it doesnt count. haha.wel it does..but we're gonna call it a "breaK" okay? hahaha...but yes i am very happy about it. and yes..mhmM..=]

Sunday comes along and guess what.homework day.! finished my homework and wrote up a paper..i had to catch up on work because i was sick a few days and was a bit behind. so yeah..play with my fone all day..hah..cuz im like obsessing over it. =] I LOVE IT.!! Sanyo 8100. My mom keeps taking away my damn fone and so i decided to get "my own". haha. which i will be payin for shortly..after i find a job!! im just happy that i WILL have something of my own, that i will have to pay for myself, my fone, they cant take it away, cuz its mine mine mine! lol..im  happy cuz thats one step to being less dependant on my parents i guess? but yeah. new digitz so HOLLA if u want them.

Monday comes along and i wen to school and ish..after skool mr. Tam comes and picks me up from skoo with this doode i dont even know his name. We drove the doode home who lived in mofo'n KENT. holy crap.! haha. but Tam is a fast yet wreckless driver..*shakes head* we then went to china town and ate sum Pho at "Pho Hoa" where ii have not eaten in thEEE longest time . I got some Che ba mau, and then afterwards we went to Gossip.  We got our boba and chilled upstairs for a bit. then headed back because we wantd to get my home before my mom did. wooT. so slick am i. yes i know. ^.^

Whats on my mind

Right now. theres a bit of a situation going on within the family.  My mom is suing my dad. My parents have been separated since 1996 and for those who know me at all, i live with my mom...therefore she takes in Child support money each month depending on how much money he makes. The thing is after all these year she's been benefiting on me and doesnt spend any of that money on ME, when she's suppose to.  She laughs when i ask for money, she lets me borrow money and i always have to pay her back or she'll take it out of my lunch money or something. She laughs when i ask the new school year comes around the corner and how i use to ask to take me school clothes shopping. she thinks its such a ridiculous idea, when at the time i remembered everyone entered the new school year with new clothes. 

Over the years, the money adds up..a grand total of $47,000 so far..and its all about to end because im soon to turn 18, the age that ends the child support because i will no longer be a child.  The problem is my mom is suing my dad in order to extend it and have him continue to send HER money for "me to go to college".  Under one income, my mom supports me, and her bf who works sometimes.  My dad however, under one income, supports me, under the child support money [average $600 a month i think?], his wife who cannot speak english therefore cannot get a job, my step sister, and my baby brother.  TRY that on for size. I know my daddy doesnt have a lot of money, and i know no matter how much she denies it, she's ballin..!  My dad has been waiting for the day i turn 18 for years now and its all going to be retarded because she's suing him. 

The decision that has been left for me to decide on, is whether i want to move in with my dad this summer so that he doesnt have to continue to pay and he will win the case in which he will not have to pay.  The thing is that i dont like going over there to even visit.!  theres nothing to do, he doesnt let me go online plus its 56k, all i do is watch tv and i dont even choose my channels and i just watch watever my sister watches, my sister is 12 years old and she easedrops and she knows every living detail about me and my life because she listens to my conversations on the fone and everything..! its annoying because i have no privacy at all in that house.! 

There is only three bedrooms in that house and one is the masters, one is my sisters, and ones my babybrothers..guess what? i'll be moving into my sisters room sharing it with her, in a room a lot smaller than my OWN here at my moms house, which i know i'll greatly miss. no more tv in my room, no more remote fan and light..which i can control the speed of the fan and the dimming of the light..lol. i LOVE IT. my walk in closet..etc.. Her room is so cramped and has os much stuff in there.! its like JUNK. i dont even want to live there atll..but i dont to help my dad, i know he really needs this favor of mine..and i have to decide by tuesday nite...why didnt someone tell my sooner..? this is such a big decision and i have to make the RIGHT decision and stick by it because i cant back out once the case is over.. i need some opinions and guidance here..

Ive been bitched and lectured for the past couple weeks by my mom and my sister. i dont get along with my mom often times and i know my sister is only looking out for me but it just bothers me on the way they talk to me because ive been crying a lot and just yeah. at least now i got maii bebz and i know that things will be alright in the end.

My sister, honors with distinction 4.0 student in high school. due to problems with family she moved out on her own at the age of 17. At the age of 18 she was in college while living on her own supporting herself with two jobs.  Completely independent and on her own.  Reality check, tracy. me. slackin hella in skool because im completely unmotivated, im 17, and i'll be 18 in 9 months. i live with my mom and i do not have a job.  I dont know what i want to be, no idea what career i want to be in, no idea what my future will look like, not even a general picture. where is my life leading me to? i have no idea, seems like im just going with the flow and i cant do that.! i have to take action and take control of my own life NOW.

look how old i am??  Time flies and i feel like i ahve wasted my high school years slacking off and not taking anything seriously. I never had any kind of motivation to do better in school. I feel i have wasted precious years of my life to have "fun" and not concentrate on how much it would affect my future. can i even get into a university? im sure i wont be able to,although some peopel think im so smart, i dont think i will. unlike my sister who was directly accepted into the UW.  i feel like such a failure. such a child. so dependant on others. im almost 18 for god sakes!! My family is buggin, i dont want to be in this house any more. i swear im slowly driving myself insane.! i want out of this house. BUt i am uncapable of being on my own, no money, no where to go. *sigH* what to do......?

i miss maii bebz.. =\ i am very happy that i am back with raymond. i dont know waht took me so long to come to my senses. i dont know. im sorry for all the confusion and hurt ive put him through. it seems like thats all i do to people. but i am grateful to be with him,  it seems like him and a few close friends are the only things that keep me sane and content. u know who u are..LAT-T fo shau and more..thanks u guys..=]


Sunday, March 14, 2004

me and maii babii raymond are bak together...nuff said.


Tuesday, March 09, 2004

03-06-04 Livi & me

im so heated and sad now. Yesterday after school Raymodn picked up Talitha and i and we dropped her off at home since she couldnt go out til later on in the day.  So Raymond and I went to go pick up Livi and since we wanted to wait for Talitha to go get boba tea we went to the bank so Livi can make her deposit and then we chilled and awlked around the ghetto Everett mall.  After that Talitha said she'd meet us at boba tea so we drove up to Pochi and we all got a chocolate avacado shake boba tea. mMmmMm>.hella bomb.!  we were hungry too so we shared a spagetti and prawns thing which was hella good too. oowee..makin myself hungry now. lol. aniways it was gettin late and i have to be home by 5 cuz thats when my mom gets home from work usually.  I came home and my mom was home. EEK!  she was like..where have u been..blah blah.i was gonna call the cops...blah blah..did u ask anyone if u could go out..? blha blah blah. and more blahs. lol.  enuff said i got in trouble. but watever right? no big deal...stupid me i forgot i didnt see her to go work today, i figured sh would still go though because she can go anytime she wants basically..o well..my mistake.

aniways...i went to chill on dee computer because thats wat i always do and started to work on my homework a bit.  She came up and wanted to talk to me and dragged me into her room and bitched and lectured me.  Telling me how im doing bad in school and im gettin no whre in life. That im so worthless and useless. That my life and my being has no value what so ever and no one really cares or is ever there for me.  How she says that friends are just friends but the people that are really there for u is always family to support to and put a roof over my head or give me a hand.  How my sister and my dad havent done so and it shows that they dont care about me.  how my dad hasnt called to see how ive been doing and i havent been over to his house for a few weeks..possibly months now. how it straight up doesnt even care about me..his daughter..because now he has a new family..and obviously im not a part of it.

she continues to tell me how...she's the only one there for me and how she's all that i really have.  How i am so dependant on other and still a kid.  Sometimes she treats me like al ittle girl and she doesnt realize that im 17 already...and sometimes she treats me like im alll grown up when im only 17..does that make sense? she hits me and treats me like im still 10 years old. But how she says im so dependant on other and how i cant make it on my own. OBVIOUSLY. people dont move out and support themselves when their 17 mom.  She's like..if i died..u wouldnt be able to take care of yourself..you'd be living wit your dad and such. obviously because id ont have a fuckin job !  Even if i had a part-time job and going to school do u realy think i can afford to rent an apartment and pay for food and get a car or something on my own???  If i had to take that direction in life i wouldnt even be going to school before i woulldnt be able to afford it. Obviously do u see anyone out there who is doing all that at the age of 17??

i dont understand why she continually tells me im worthless..and i have no value. she tells me i dont deserve anything that i have or will get in life because i dont work hard? does she know even what i fucking go through every day??  she's like..who needs friends.who needs going out..it doesnt get you anywhere in life. yeaaa thats because she's fukin anti-social.  she tells me i dont know how hard it is to earn money and shiit like that..i have worked before and i do know money doesnt grow on trees and that u have to work hard for money..fukin i know that and she acts like ive never worked before.

"im making u an appointment with a counselor this friday..you need help...you neeed professional help..." wth is that suppose to mean? im not insane..im doing just fine. i know what the hell im doing. i am in control of my actions..she always says stupid things..."no one in our familee is stupid...no one in our familee is retarded..what happened to you? your a disgrace to this familee.you embarass me..!" blah blah balh. fukin it goes on ..and on...

im so sick and tired of her.i seriously dont know how much longer i can stand it. im trying ot hard to hold all my feelings inside.  I cried so much...and this morning once agen i cried..cuz she continues to say things that arent tru. she doesnt even understand me or anything about me.  She doesnt care. she onlyy wants to believe wwhat she wants to. my mom is fukin psycho. just because i was crying agen this morning and i had to get ready for school and i was heated and i was slamings things around..she got even MORE pissed off and i locked the bathroom door cuz i was tryna brush my damn teeth and she's all knockin..and  bitchin..and kickin the fuckin door like she bout to break it open...what the hell is her problem..??

I turned up my linkin park...get ready and start hitting the walls and shiit...everyone knows i dun hit things..or would ever hurt anything...but im so maddddddddddddddddd...all the anger needs to go somewhere...no worries..i aint hittin THAT hard..because i dun wanna do anything to the house cuz she'll kil me...ive cried enuff tears....

needless to say...im not gettin my fone back..or am i gettin a car anymore..if i want anything..im on my own from now on..fuck her..i dont need her..if she really wants me out of the house and out of her life? i'll fuckin leave whever she wants me to go. i got places to go. and if i dont..id ont care. i mite as well just kill myself shiit. make her ass happier that way. i KNOW for a fact shes very happy without me in that house..she said it herself..im just waiting for that moment wen i can finally leave..

at skool right now..hella blah...this mornign i swear i was still bout to cry..im trying so hard to hold it in and talitha can see right thru me..she gave me and hug and told me to let it out and i as bout to crack..my eyes got hella teary..and i was still tryna hold it in..blah....im sorrie to anh bao too..i told u wouldnt cry ne more...but i kant help it... >.<



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